Worst DJ Ever

This has to be my favorite video of all time. If this is what he does in public, what does he do behind closed doors? One can only imagine...

Memegenerator.net

Animals giving advice just makes me feel good inside. I added the cap and glasses, they make him more credible than your average advice dog. Make your own at Memegenerator.net.

Supermaaaaan!

He's like Superman. A door opener. Spider murderer. Jar twister.

He's a great dancer and knows how to make his thigh my crotch saddle.

Someone who is sensitive to my needs, but can also beat the hell out of a defenseless homeless man because he thought I was in danger.

Someone who will standby me, as a bystander as I fight his battles for him.

Someone who will die the same time as me, The Notebook style, so I will never be lonely, NEVAR LONELY.

Plan B

If all things fall through, I'm competing in the Olympics. I will refuse many sponsorships because of my hippie ways. I will continue to boycott Ferrari as I do now.

Civic, Bicycle, or Bus Pass

You look like my Boyfriend

I designed this object the other day, I have no name for it yet, but it does amazing things. It allows people to organize, categorize, disseminate their clips of information. It allows you to do everything you like to do, but in a more neurotic way. You'll do what you always did, but a lot more times, more frequently, and faster.

The edges are smooth, the form is sleek, you'd swear that it ripened on a tree and fell into the palm of your hands. There's a plug to charge it in your car, wall, or it can charge off the electrolytes from your urine. We thought of everything.

It's affordable also, extremely affordable, you'll get one eventually. We have a team of termites, ants, and bees who are chemically brain washed. Building and Packaging.

There is no need for human rights violations, we have no slave labor, however, we have one employee stare at her own reflection for eight hours a day. That's her job. In a closet. Just staring. It has enough space for standing room only. We've experimented on this project for six months and we think she's going crazy. I know she's crazy. It's my job to date her and feed her lies. I'm her first and second boyfriend, they injected me with BBD (Benjamin Button Disease). I dated her when I was 50 and 40. "You look like this guy I used to date," she says that often. I think she may be on to me. She's queued Benajmin Button four times. The Matrix is about to unravel.