It's best if you just straight up steal, make sure that your animal instincts aren't dead, and that your teeth are sharp. But, buy something and then steal if you must. By a deli sandwich and walk out with a 19 dollar set of buffalo wings. You saved like 5000% on those buffalo wings, and that's without a club card.
For the historical enthusiast steal some anti-itch ointment like Joseph Smith, the pioneer of shoplifting at Safeway. If you get caught blame 9/11, the death of the Olympic Luger, or Tiger Woods because he fucked your white brains out.
BTW: I borrowed a bottle of diet Coke from Safeway today.
I've only stolen once when I was 11. I stole one of those dehydrated wash-cloths at the Disney store. I walked away with my heart pounding in my ears, clammy hands, and the biggest adrenaline rush physically possible for a tween. I got home, turned the faucet on, and watched Winnie the Pooh materialize at the bottom of my sink. It was more like watching my guilt materialize. It was one of the most horrible feelings ever.
ReplyDeleteBTW: Love the pic of the triangle pose you got going there. One of my favorite postions! Err...yoga...yah.
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