Excerpt 4 of 50

I made my way through the security guards and flashing lights, heading straight for the champagne pyramid. A crowd was gathered there and I would mix in easily behind shoulders draped with furs, shawls and Italian stitched clothing. No one would notice my traveled black sneakers or my flip cellphone.

I text my daughter,

DADDY IS IN

HAVE BREAD

STUFFED IN POCKET

NO WATER BUT CHAMPAGNE

WILL EAT LIKE KINGS TONIGHT!!!

DADDY LOVES YOU
NOT YELLING
LOWER CASE
FUNCTION BROKEN

A man with a monocle approaches me as I shut my phone.

He says, "And who may you be my good man?"

"I'm the son of the CEO of Home Depot, heir to the great Home Depot Fortune," I reply.

"My name is Charles, Charles Home Depot"

- Excerpt from Keeping Up Appearances