He Who Laughs Last Doesn't Have Leukemia

Cracked open a bottle of champagne today, took it with me on my bicycle and did a victory lap around my neighborhood.

As you may or may not know, the Guy From LFO has died from Leukemia. Today many a twitter, Facebook status, and news ticker read:

"Guy From LFO Dies"

Guy From LFO

LFO: One Down Two to Go

Some of you maybe wondering what is LFO? Why the celebration?

Well...

LFO is an acronym for Lyte Funky Ones. You see in the late nineties before the birth of the internet as it is now, you couldn't find out everything within the stroke of an enter key. All consuming knowledge* wasn't at your finger tips, and record companies knew that, so in one last effort before the entire band process could be exposed and unraveled came the

Boy Bands.

Backstreet Boys

'NSYNC

TMNT

*All consuming knowledge meaning, birthdate of actors, discography of bands, and the synopsis of Shakespeare's canon

The burgeoning of the internet meant that the plastic facade of the music industry, in terms of pop music was about to collapse, the dog and pony show would be over. Contrary to popular Historical belief Boy Bands were not born, they were created.

Boy Bands weren't a group of friends who met accidentally through school, who sung in their moms house, and one day while singing in their mom's basement, a record executive's tire popped in their suburb and while knocking on their door for assistance heard:

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a heartache

tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a mistake

This doesn't happen. No one gets "discovered."

Boy Bands are built.

talent managers and record producers scour talent shows, headshots, and hold auditions to find a group of people to surround an individual and launch the lead singer into super stardom e.g., Beyonce ,Timberlake, Scherzinger Effect, or they create a diverse of mediocre individuals that can reach out and touch every teenage girl's niche AKA the Ninja Turtle Formula. For example: You create a group that has

the cool one/douche

The sexy one/douche

The funny one/douche

And the quiet intellectual one/douche

You see as individuals they aren't much, but as group they can put on an amazing concert/defeat the Shredder.

But back to LFO

LFO threw away with that formula and went for

The Triple D

Douche

Douche

Douche

formula

That Guy from LFO's death marks a victory in my book in our long standing feud.

It all started with their association with Ambercrombie and Fitch and the line "Chinese food makes me sick."

Ambercrombie has had a long hate/hate relationship with Asians and people of color, their stores feature no people of color as well as their advertising campaigns. Pictured below are three well thoughtout t-shirt designs by A&F and LFO's affiliation with Amber is one foot on the racism train.

Any product put out by a huge corporation goes through several levels of checks and balances before the final product is put out for consumer consumption, the fact that these shirts hit store shelves is very disturbing, to say the least.

The second foot on the racism train is in the second line of the chorus of their song Summer Girls:

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits

Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer

Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone

Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton

WTF?

I would have given the line a pass if it was Chinese food upsets my stomach, but they had to have known that word sick has the connotation of disgust. You can even say "Chinese food makes me ill," ill doesn't have any additional negative connotation. Here I'll rewrite the song:

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits

Chinese food makes me ill
And I think it's fly when girls use the pill for the summer, for the summer

See the difference? I can understand that Chinese food makes your stomach hurt, and not because you feel culturally insensitive.

Well anyway, eleven years later, I win the war.

Sorry, LFO Guy I laugh last and the hardest, almost feel like masturbating over your tombstone.

You know what else makes you sick?

Leukemia.

BTW: All this mean spiritedness is based on the assumption of him being racist. If not, I take it all back. Sorry.